My Shpeel.

Ya know, it has kind of been a year of set backs.
Especially in dance, it seemed like everything kept me from progressing.
My 4 ingrown toenails would yell at me from the floor and tell me to stop dancing; it hurt them.
My torn hamstring made me limp for days and then lose my flexibility.

I'm lucky that this year I have been at my new studio, BSOB. It is much more professional and even happier there. It didn't take long to feel comfortable there, even though I started out hating my teachers. Now I love them to death! There are hundreds of other students, yet, I feel their individual care and want for me to succeed.

There were so many times I came home after dance and cried because I felt so incapable. My body just couldn't handle it and I wanted to dance so badly. I had made it into a Pointe dance at my high school and was set on quitting..... I couldn't do it. But for reasons I guess I can see more clearly now, I stayed. I'm the only girl there who isn't a vykelle and no one knows me or talks to me, yet I love it! I have started to feel like a dancer. And that means a lot to me.

Anyways, after feeling so incompotent and depressed this last winter, one of my dance teachers really started to ask about my toes and my leg. I quote, "Girl, you are falling apart!"
Love her. And after deciding to surgically remove my ingrown toenails (can't wait for MAY!) and keep working on my leg, I felt better.

But then today she pulled me aside into a classroom and while she sternly looked me in the eye, she told me I need to commit to taking the summer program and that I'd be alone and asked if I'd be okay with that. That may seem like nothing to you, but from her to me that means that I have potential and she wants me to work hard because I can get there. I am good but I can be even better! I can live on that compliment for 2 months.

In short, things are looking up. Set backs are set backs, but they make you stronger. I know it.

HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED THIS? (I never write in all caps, so the fact that I just did should mean something to you)

Ra Ra Rasputin, lover of the Russian Queen. There was a cat that really was gone!

(This is Mason's favorite. I don't blame him. I LOVE it.)

Jump in the line, rock your body in time. Ok, I believe you!

Shake shake shake Senora!

Get yourself to the Butterfuly Lounge, find you a new lady. Big girls, you are beautiful!

These songs, especially Big Girls, have been so stuck in my head. I look them up on youtube and laugh to myself and my lonesome at how funny we look when we do these dances. I'm such a lover. I want to memorize these dances. It is SO fun.

element: water

I really love to dance. This was from back in the fall when I choreographed a little piece for my YWIE. I'm not like super duper amazing and I don't have Chloe M.'s legs, but I sure love it.

For the price of a cup of tea.

Quick thought:

I hated dancing for a while. I was SO discouraged. After the first week at my new studio I wanted to quit. It was kick-butt hard. I was seriously thinking about quitting. I just kept going though. I don't know why. I tend to not make the decision to quit because even though I don't want to keep going I can't quit. I'm SO glad I didn't quit... now. I LOVE this new studio and the teachers. My first impression of one of my teachers was: hardest, strictest, rudest, sassiest. She's now my favorite teacher. I am definitely done judging by first impressions :)

I love getting in my pink tights, black leotard, putting my hair in a bun and strapping on my new pointe shoes. I'm not the best in the class and am so happy that I'm not. I find a weird joy from working hard, even if my grand batma (french spelling???) sucked. I love driving home every day from dance and making that right turn that takes forever. I know this turned into a not so quick thought, but here is the moral of the story:

Don't quit what you think you hate. I definitely found love.

Dance

To sum it up, I've had a crappy dance education. Every teacher has dropped out after one year, mostly because of them having children. Every teacher taught moves and positions differently, so we relearned the same step every year.... in a different way. Every teacher had different opinions, and told us stuff we were doing wrong that our last teacher had taught us. It was a mess. This last year we finally got some GOOD teachers... but they both got pregnant and decided to stay home with their families. Anyways....I loved the studio and miss it, but I wish I got a better education.

Now that the my studio doesn't offer advanced classes, I went to an assessment at Bountiful School of Ballet. This is 10x more strict than my other studio. I used to hate the strict rules, but I like it here. It fits. It'll be good for me. The assessment was scary and fun. I haven't danced in months and I tore my groin, so some things were hard. There were new combinations I had a hard time getting, and jumps I had a hard time executing. But I liked my turns. I felt confident on those. I went out of the class realizing how much I need to work on, and it scares me.

For a few weeks after that assessment every time I thought of dance I got sick feeling in my stomach. Just because I knew I wasn't very good and had to measure up. But then my adopted grandma, Oma, passed away. She was the person who gave me art supplies and kits and ballerina birthday cards my whole life. She always told me to keep going with my art and dance. She encouraged me every time I came in contact with her. She is what made me decide to keep going. To work hard even though I know it's gonna kill me. I love dancing with all my heart and I don't want to quit, but I know this is gonna be rough. I just think of Oma and I have a good attitude again. I miss her.

life as we know it:

I feel like so much has happened the last three days. And so much has! I went to 9th grade Lagoon Day, which was a blast. I had my dance recital on Tuesday and got some interesting news.

Our studio doesn't have any advanced classes anymore, because our teachers now have families they want to stay home with. I felt sick. So sick. I've been to a few dance studios, but this was the only place I loved. Its weird to think I can't go back. I went home and cried that night. I obviously need some type of physical activity or something to do after school, and I thought I would just dance at Centerville Academy until I graduated. But life really doesn't happen as you plan it.

I am going to miss those girls in my class so much. I am going to miss my teachers. I am going to miss everything about that place. Now I have to make decisions. Find a new studio.... or take up some other sport. Its kinda hard when everyone is getting REALLY good at what they do, to start from the bottom and try to work your way up. But what else is there to do?

Life just changed on me so fast. All the sudden I was done with junior high, never going back, and plus dance is potentially gone.

Crazy.